"...and I'm like, oh my god, you did not just say that. Because, she's such a bitch sometimes. Not to be judgemental or anything, mind you. But seriously...where does she get off calling me shallow? Me?! I bought a fucking Hybrid and went to the beach to help clean an oil spill. Although it was so cold and nasty that morning. But all the more reason, I told her! No shallow bitch goes out to the beaches at 7 in the morning...you wouldn't even get to work on a tan. She has no idea how good I am to people..."
This sort of drivel pours out of her at a nonstop pace for 45 minutes. She hasn't even bothered to notice that I've stopped nodding altogether or giving coherent feedback. Some people are like dams - give them one leak to pour out their heart's content to and it becomes a fucking flood. I'm no longer a person to her, just a damn earpiece.
I swear, I'm replacing Doug's toothpaste with Gold Bond tonight. Bastard.